How do you rate things?
In paws, from one to four. Four paws is reserved for experiences that left the critic speechless, and so are never reviewed.
Can I advertise with you?
You may, but our advertising rates are $400 a column inch, payable in advance, and we reserve the right to find your product disappointing in the very next column.
Why is the website so slow?
It is being considered. The server is asleep. We are told it will wake at around four in the afternoon, once the light has gone off the radiator.
Do you accept submissions?
Only from cats who have been sitting on the idea for at least a week. Dogs may submit letters but must not rely on a reply.